How grief shows up in everyday life
Grief has many faces. It can show up as pain and longing, but also as emptiness, as tiredness or as the feeling of not feeling anything at all. Your body grieves too: as heaviness, as tightness in your chest or throat, sometimes as restless sleep. Often everyday life goes on and yet things don't feel quite the same.
After a sudden death much of it feels unreal. It can take time for what has happened to truly sink in. Sometimes grief begins while a person is still alive, for example when they are seriously ill or changing because of dementia. Grief for an animal that was part of your life for a long time can also run deep. You may also be grieving an illness or leaving behind a job, your home country or a life plan that didn't work out. A breakup can feel like a loss too.
Grief holds not only love and pain, but sometimes also anger, relief, guilt or things left unsaid, especially when the relationship wasn't easy. And that's okay too.
Many people wonder how long grief should last. It's different for everyone. Grief often comes in waves and can be felt again even after years, for example on an anniversary. There is nothing wrong with that.
How I work with it
I take what you are going through seriously. Your grief can be just as it is. We don't just talk about the loss, we also pay attention to how it is present in you now: in conversation, in your body, in images that come up. Just as important is what gives you stability: the ground beneath your feet, the chair that supports you, your breath.
Sometimes something has remained unsaid: a thank-you, an apology, a goodbye that was no longer possible. If you'd like, you can give voice to it in the session, for example by saying out loud or writing in a letter what you would still like to say to this person. It is still possible to say goodbye later, in a way that suits you. That doesn't mean the connection and the grief have to end. Many people carry their relationship with someone who has died within them, in memories, in inner conversations, in what they have received from that person.
Sometimes a new loss brings back earlier losses that had no room back then. That can find a place too, at your pace. We can also explore questions about meaning, faith or what remains. I support you in giving your grief space and finding your own way of living with the loss.
The first sessions
In the initial session, free and with no commitment, we get to know each other. You tell me what brings you here, in as much or as little detail as feels possible right now. I ask questions to understand your concerns and describe how I work. Afterward you can take your time to decide whether you feel in good hands with me and would like to start therapy.
In the sessions that follow we work out together what you need right now: something to hold on to while the loss is still fresh, space to talk about who this person was to you or time to find out what a loss from long ago still stirs in you today.
Besides talking I sometimes suggest a small exercise or experiment, for example something that helps you feel steadier or words addressed to the person you have lost. Whether you try it is up to you – you can say no or stop at any time.
If you are in crisis right now, please contact a crisis service or emergency services directly. You will get support there immediately.
